I hope your sleeping, sleeping well

The sound created either by conscious act or by nature. Gives you a thousand elephant thump on your heart.

A thunder. A sweet slap.

In which ways you forget. Forgive.
Then forgive. And then forget.

Sometimes both can be extremely happy and sometimes full of frustrations. If love can be truly defined, I'd say its sacrifice. I'd say its patience. I'd say its peace over argument. I'd say its forgiveness. And most of all love , I'd say its awareness of yourself. To know more about your conscience , about your heart,  your soul and our mere existence.

Because awareness of one self builds our ability to share what we have to others.

On how it feels to be alone. To have nothing. On how it feels to be happy and to be grateful. All these at once.


Magallanes Drive Intramuros Manil

Stare

For the whole night there was calmness in your soul. A peace in the middle of Manila noise, sorrounded by loud prayers during the Black Nazarene procession. It was the kind of serenity, in which I have never seen nor felt anywhere else but in your heart, in the midst of chaos.

It was you, you have given me peace in one of our last nights. I felt it profoundly. It made me chill. I have so many questions in my mind; probably because of fear. That the kind of goodbye should not be the last of everything. I hoped that it is just one of the normal nights apart.

I can remember those adventures we have had in Palawan's remote islets. You were swimming like a dolphin, happily, as if you have never been into an ocean. Those peculiar toddler curiousity you had to a friendly fish only to find out it will bite you. Those rough corals infecting your foot, and losing a toenail. You are so rugged and strong. While I watched you from afar, I know you are amazing to have lived in the northern hemisphere; and yet surviving the lil world I have been in almost all my life.

I kept holding your hands. I want those everytime: while we sail, while we sleep and sometimes while we eat. But as the days go by,I wanted to wean especially just before you leave. As I get used to hold your hand while walking, it might be tremendously painful for me when your gone. Because soon enough I would be, most of the time, by then walking, alone. So I tried so hard to wean off from you, and I remembered you noticed how I distanced. And I know that you were hurt.

I love you. On how many times I told you, I don't exactly know.
What in the world did we just get into something so amazing,
so heart warming and I don't want to leave it.

In that morning, we woke up calmly fixing everything. We went to the nth floor, ate our huge but beautiful breakfast. Silently, we glanced and secretly stared each other. It was like we were mute saying goodbye. We had some conversation about the weather, and perhaps some words of missing each other. Most of the time, I am lost at words so I was just looking at the golf course view and behind is the glory of the sun rising from the east.

There was certainly a strange peace just before the storm. I call it, the-letting-go phase.
The dont-resist-the-tide moments. There was fear, but definitely again there is hope.

While we thought I could just be with you in the waiting area, the guard suddenly took that yearning away. We were apart, abruptly, I was stunned while at the same time still in peace. On the split of a second, I remembered you hugged me but I went numb as I delusionally tried to freeze the time. I could not believe this. We kissed. And I turned myself blank into a state of what-is-happening.

You looked at me from the airport door. Your eyes glistened with some tears. I just dont know if those were caused by sadness like mine.That look made my heart swirled, and I was swallowed by emotions. I just started crying in cab. I tried not to make any sound like actresses crying in the film, I tried to keep it silent.

I left the airport. You were just about to leave my country.
We just had our first of our many airport goodbyes.
And it hurts more than our myriads skype goodbyes.

The feeling of vulnerability always make my feet back on the ground.
Back to the reality that those late night giggles, eating together and just taking care of each other
have not yet been forever.

So we hope. Well I hope, someday, and at some point it will be.
Yet that stare brought me back, again in what I so called- home.