(Written last year November 2010)
Sunset prequels darkness. The cold breeze tolerable enough in a desert summer context rushed into my skin. That time I can intently hear birds flying, the chaos of seeking refuge for the night. In the midst of noise, It has never been that melancholic and silent since he was gone. Things were routine and definitely boring. Waking up, brushing teeth, drinking water were such a toil I am more aware of. Before it was merely doing it fast-unconsciously. For me, he was after all the sun in the middle of this desert. That kind who lightens and cheer me up. He is someone that- makes my laugh a little more crispier (from ha ha ha to hakhakhak way). Yet, those were now limelights, everything is not just gray but even more, ending my sight like a hue scale of light. Only the desert sand is vivid and never ending. Like your agonies never stop. The vast space, so at peace and treacherous at the same time makes you peril with thoughts of delicious contradictions. Either to succumb enjoying the heat and glare or perhaps stop moving at all.
Sunset prequels darkness. The cold breeze tolerable enough in a desert summer context rushed into my skin. That time I can intently hear birds flying, the chaos of seeking refuge for the night. In the midst of noise, It has never been that melancholic and silent since he was gone. Things were routine and definitely boring. Waking up, brushing teeth, drinking water were such a toil I am more aware of. Before it was merely doing it fast-unconsciously. For me, he was after all the sun in the middle of this desert. That kind who lightens and cheer me up. He is someone that- makes my laugh a little more crispier (from ha ha ha to hakhakhak way). Yet, those were now limelights, everything is not just gray but even more, ending my sight like a hue scale of light. Only the desert sand is vivid and never ending. Like your agonies never stop. The vast space, so at peace and treacherous at the same time makes you peril with thoughts of delicious contradictions. Either to succumb enjoying the heat and glare or perhaps stop moving at all.
His eyes were deep, dark brown. His bold shoulders. He was smiling, walking towards me, he never looked at his way but my eyes. My heart was raging, thumping as if it will burst-but no , my heart being regal stayed in utmost manner of pumping enough to make me blush -visible enough in a tanned skin. Most of the time we only have silence and sexy shy stares. While he keeps on breakin it by asking me what is in my mind. I said, nothing. Indeed, it was nothing but if he asked what am I feeling. I might be able to think. Yes, I felt like a droplet of water finally touching the ground. I felt loved. Enormously happy just by being with him- holding his hand, walking towards sun setting in the gulf seas... I have never considered my self as one of the beautiful woman in the planet but that time I was.
When you are profoundly loved, you seem like loving everything. When you love, your heart feels so light as if you are living in a different dimension. You become a peaceful person in this constantly chaotic world. Not until you get the person into a conversation about ideas and opinion that sometimes lead to argument. Well, words left unsaid -those are turned into actions are the sweetest. You let out a big sigh and all that person did is hug and kiss your forehead. Stare at nothingness and you caught him looking at you with those vague smile of him. Why words has to mess everything , why words when we have silence that means so soothing.
I reserve some memories, mostly on how things were so intense between us. He never failed to make me smile until later. I still remember his sarcastic humors. Yet like any twilight , you know what I mean. We must learn from ever sunset-it is letting go everyday. What I just miss the most is how my heart goes when I hear his name. Sublime. Now, let me be a woman who enjoys getting lost like a girl.
Let it. Let go. And a little more of feeling blu.
I reserve some memories, mostly on how things were so intense between us. He never failed to make me smile until later. I still remember his sarcastic humors. Yet like any twilight , you know what I mean. We must learn from ever sunset-it is letting go everyday. What I just miss the most is how my heart goes when I hear his name. Sublime. Now, let me be a woman who enjoys getting lost like a girl.
Let it. Let go. And a little more of feeling blu.
